Taking pictures

is an investment. Purchasing the equipment and editing the photos is one part of it. And then there's the real-time investment of removing yourself from the moment to capture it, preserve it, and share it.

I miss taking pictures.

There's something about moving to a new city that makes me hyper-aware of myself and everything going on. I don't know if it's the particular city or the life-stage I'm in that breeds a very non-complacent culture. I mean this in the most neutral way possible. There's always a driving force-- be it student loans, brand name degrees, poverty in the neighborhood, or the Boston Red Sox-- that keeps people on the go, thinking and rethinking what to do next, what's worthwhile, what makes most sense, and what would bring us closer to our goals. That's the way I've been experiencing much of life in Boston, anyway-- purposeful and angsty.

So it's been a full year, and I've decided that I like it here. I'm extremely grateful for the opportunities, the growing sense of community, and the inevitable exposures to people very different from myself. Living here has unveiled layers and layers of insecurities I never knew existed-- insecurities that drive me to question and listen for God in ways that I never would have from a place of familiarity and complacency.

Will the angst remain? Who knows-- it's only been a year. And who cares-- the journey's been worth it.

Happy Anniversary, Boston! And cheers to another year to come.
This year, I would like to take some pictures.

Is God Sovereign Over Human Disability?

Yes he is. He tells us so in Scripture:

Then the Lord said to (Moses), "Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord?" (Exodus 4:11)

As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him." (John 9:1-3)

To be clear, God's sovereignty doesn't mean he merely permits disability. These verses show us that he sovereignly intends it, both for his glory and for our good—"that the works of God might be displayed."

With that in mind, what do you think about this expansion of Psalm 139:13-16? I've added some additional descriptors in italics to bring out what we really mean if we believe that God is sovereign over disability:

For you formed my inward parts with Down syndrome;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb without eyes.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made with cognitive challenges.
Wonderful are your works in creating me without limbs;
my soul knows it very well though my ears will never hear a sound.
My frame was not hidden from you as you made me with Apert syndrome,
when I was being made in secret with autism,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth without Hexosaminidase A.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance with spina bifida;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me with cerebral palsy,
when as yet there was none of them.

* * *

For more biblical and visual proof that God is sovereign and good in designing disability, check out Krista Horning's new book Just the Way I Am.

from http://www.desiringgod.org/Blog/2394_is_god_sovereign_over_human_disability/

Highs in Life

When large Black women smile and greet me, “Heyyy shu-guh!”

Fresh baked cookies

Excellent haircuts

Sense of accomplishment

Having someone to talk to when feeling completely alone

Connecting with someone on a deeper level... depth in relationships

White daisies

Pink and yellow tulips

Being missed

Genuine words of affirmation

Chocolate milk

Playing badminton (slicing)

Cello music

Communion with God

Hope

Empowering individuals and communities

Compassion that unifies

Knowing how to pray for someone

Growth/progress

Clothes I can wear for years

Calculating tip as fast as I can

Fresh sangria

Korean BBQ

Missing people

Juicy oranges

Fresh/ripe fruits

When passages/concepts suddenly/finally make sense

Dreaming about what could be and brainstorming realistic ways to make it happen

Sense of family/community

Funny moments I can replay in my head repeatedly

Truth that transforms

Music that moves

Clean dishes

Biking downhill

A sense of purpose

Nature

Reading on the T

Remembering little things about people

Learning about things that are important to other people

Picnics

Photos that capture the moment

Thinking about Jesus

Making sure people don’t feel left out

When different groups of friends meet and genuinely like each other

Cooking with or for people

(Long) emails from friends/family

Google and Wikipedia

Letters

Completely honest and meaningful conversations

Sharing what I love with people around me

Swings

Trust

Reconciliation

Freedom

Restored value in brokenness

Simplicity

The bigger picture

Roasted almonds

Hot milky drinks

Getting back up and pressing on

Challenging Stuff...

(pun intended)

I encourage you to view this if you have some time on your hands!

http://www.storyofstuff.com/

Colleges

MIT really likes numbers. Apparently, they like numbers so much that they came up with a numerical system to label majors. Each major has a designated number. For example: instead of being a biology major, one would be in Course 7. On a day to day basis, when students meet each other, conversations would look a little like this:

Student 1: Hi, what's your major?
Student 2: Fifteen. You?
Student 1: Twenty-four...
Student 2: Oh... Humanities, eh? *chuckles*

I was chatting with a friend at MIT the other day...

Me: Do you guys ever confuse numbers in daily life with your majors? Like, when you hear a number, do you automatically think of different Courses?
Benji: I don't think so... I mean, when someone says, "I want to eat one apple," I don't automatically think that he wants a civil engineering apple...

On different note, a group of us were chilling after Small Group this past Friday:

Benji: Dan, you went to Yale, right?
Dan: Yes.
Me: Hey Dan, when you went to Yale...... were you pale?
Dan: No... but I was a male... can't you tale??

far away

I wish "home" weren't in another country,
that I could help my best friend plan her wedding,
that the boyfriend and I lived in the same city,
that the GCF family all lived within 15 min from one another,
that my old roommies were still just footsteps away...

Missing people is teaching me not to take relationships for granted.

Decompress

I was really looking forward to going to this annual retreat with my church this weekend, but alas, I got sick. Yes, I know... weaksauce.

Actually, during the middle of last week, I started having second thoughts about going to retreat because random stuff kept coming up as schoolwork kept accumulating. A friend emailed me,

"... you should go to retreat. Not that Jesus would love you any less if you didn't. It'll be a good chance to decompress and spend some quality time with God, other folks and undergrads (if you want) :P"

Well, of course I wanted to decompress (who likes being compressed anyway?) and spend quality time with God... and I love getting to know other folks, especially undergrads! So I decided to keep pushing myself to study like crazy and ingest large quantities of CVS Airborne. On Fri morning, I carried my toiletries, clothing, and sleeping bag to class so that I could leave directly after school. When my classmates asked about the luggage, I excitedly shared with them that I was going on a retreat.

Sadly, as the 6 hr lecture on wound care progressed, I grew dizzy, nauseous, and rather snotty. And so I came home and slept for 19 hours.

I used to hate getting sick so much. I hated how it kept me from doing everything I had planned. I hated being behind in school. I hated having to spend money on Dayquil/Tylenol/Ibuprofen, and I hated how it kept me isolated from people.

But being sick really is the best excuse to do absolutely nothing and just rest. I knew in my head that I don't need to go to a retreat to decompress, spend time with God, and build community... and I guess God forced me to experience it first hand. This weekend, I basically just drank soup + OJ, talked to God, listened to worship music, and watched tons of How I Met Your Mother. And I did my laundry. And I got to chat with 2 good friends over the phone.

I constantly struggle with constructing endless lists of ways I fail in not studying enough, not keeping in touch with ppl well enough, not loving enough, judging ppl too much, stressing out too much, ... But when the body breaks down, I am faced with the choice of either (1) moping over all that I can't do on top of all the ways in which I fail or (2) realizing/remembering what's important-- You, and just You. God, it's not only that You can do all that I can't do and be all that I fail to be, but that my relationship with You is what gives me all that I am worth.

I know, I still need to re-seal my window, mail in those checks, clean the apt, studystudy, shower, KIT w/ peeps, etc etc... but my weakness really forces me to seek You for strength even in the littlest things. And in doing these littlest things, I want to draw nearer to You...

Thanks for letting me decompress all weekend...