far away

I wish "home" weren't in another country,
that I could help my best friend plan her wedding,
that the boyfriend and I lived in the same city,
that the GCF family all lived within 15 min from one another,
that my old roommies were still just footsteps away...

Missing people is teaching me not to take relationships for granted.

Decompress

I was really looking forward to going to this annual retreat with my church this weekend, but alas, I got sick. Yes, I know... weaksauce.

Actually, during the middle of last week, I started having second thoughts about going to retreat because random stuff kept coming up as schoolwork kept accumulating. A friend emailed me,

"... you should go to retreat. Not that Jesus would love you any less if you didn't. It'll be a good chance to decompress and spend some quality time with God, other folks and undergrads (if you want) :P"

Well, of course I wanted to decompress (who likes being compressed anyway?) and spend quality time with God... and I love getting to know other folks, especially undergrads! So I decided to keep pushing myself to study like crazy and ingest large quantities of CVS Airborne. On Fri morning, I carried my toiletries, clothing, and sleeping bag to class so that I could leave directly after school. When my classmates asked about the luggage, I excitedly shared with them that I was going on a retreat.

Sadly, as the 6 hr lecture on wound care progressed, I grew dizzy, nauseous, and rather snotty. And so I came home and slept for 19 hours.

I used to hate getting sick so much. I hated how it kept me from doing everything I had planned. I hated being behind in school. I hated having to spend money on Dayquil/Tylenol/Ibuprofen, and I hated how it kept me isolated from people.

But being sick really is the best excuse to do absolutely nothing and just rest. I knew in my head that I don't need to go to a retreat to decompress, spend time with God, and build community... and I guess God forced me to experience it first hand. This weekend, I basically just drank soup + OJ, talked to God, listened to worship music, and watched tons of How I Met Your Mother. And I did my laundry. And I got to chat with 2 good friends over the phone.

I constantly struggle with constructing endless lists of ways I fail in not studying enough, not keeping in touch with ppl well enough, not loving enough, judging ppl too much, stressing out too much, ... But when the body breaks down, I am faced with the choice of either (1) moping over all that I can't do on top of all the ways in which I fail or (2) realizing/remembering what's important-- You, and just You. God, it's not only that You can do all that I can't do and be all that I fail to be, but that my relationship with You is what gives me all that I am worth.

I know, I still need to re-seal my window, mail in those checks, clean the apt, studystudy, shower, KIT w/ peeps, etc etc... but my weakness really forces me to seek You for strength even in the littlest things. And in doing these littlest things, I want to draw nearer to You...

Thanks for letting me decompress all weekend...

from Shadow of the Almighty

I found a very subtle snare in doing so. I sought their fellowship in order that I might minister to them, 'be a help,' you know, to these 'weaker' ones. What a rebuke came when I sensed my real motive-- that I might minister. Love hacks right at this, for she refused to parade herself. I learned to recognize no 'spiritual planes,' but simply to love, purely, in every group. Trying to 'be a help' even has a smell of good works in it, for it is not pure. Our motive is only to be-- just to be a sinful bit of flesh, born of a Father's love. Then you see, Beloved, there can be no defeat.

pg 99-100

I pray for you, that all your misgivings will be melted to thanksgivings. Remember that the shadow a thing casts often far exceeds the size of the thing itself (especially if the light be low on the horizon) and though some future fear may strut brave darkness as you approach, the thing itself will be but a speck when seen from beyond. Oh that He would restore us often with that 'aspect from beyond,' to see a thing as He sees it, to remember that He dealeth with us as with sons. Amy Carmichael's words come to me:

'He hath never failed thee yet.
Never will His love forget.
O fret not thyself nor let
Thy heart be troubled,
Neither let it be afraid.'

pg 118

Crucial Last Bits

So, I'm finally finishing the 2 books I started 16 years ago... (jk... more like 3 months!)



The Cost of Forgiveness

"Forgiveness cost God His Son on the cross, but what does it cost us to forgive one another? Forgiving costs us our sense of justice. We all have this innate sense deep within our souls, but it has been perverted by our selfish sinful natures... We must realize that justice has been done... In order to forgive our brother, we must be satisfied with God's justice and forego the satisfaction of our own."

- Jerry Bridges, The Practice of Godliness

[Addendum] Coincidentally, P Larry spoke about forgiveness today during service. He noted that trying to forgive someone can be a form of suffering... His wife shared her testimony to the congregation, definitely helped me see how forgiving can be a life-long journey... it can be just the "thorn" God leaves in our lives to draw us closer...

Worship: An Inward, Spiritual Experience

This is small chunk that helped me come to peace about the 6000 denominations in Protestant as well as the Catholicism v. Protestantism tension that's been going on in the Jiang family...

"... the New Testament is not a manual for worship services. Rather, it is a vision for missions in thousands of diverse people groups around the world. In such groups, outward forms of worship will vary drastically, but the inner reality of treasuring Christ in spirit and truth is common ground."

- John Piper, Let the Nations Be Glad

Question about Knowledge

In heaven, do you think we'll have the knowledge of good and evil?

Darn it... I love these!

from http://health.msn.com/nutrition/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100241048&page=2

8. WORST BOTTLED COFFEE

Starbucks Coffee Frappuccino (13.7-ounce bottle)

• 290 calories
• 4.5 g fat (2.5 g saturated)
• 46 g sugars

Add one of these to your diet every morning and you’ll add about 28 pounds of flab to your body in a year.

"We are not meant to be seen as God’s perfect, bright-shining examples, but to be seen as the everyday essence of ordinary life exhibiting the miracle of His grace."

- Oswald Chambers

Thoughts on Isaiah 6

I never realized just how intense of a man Isaiah was.

Yesterday I was reading Ch 6. That chapter has been pretty inspirational to me, especially this past year. It reminds me that even though God may not call me specifically for a certain task, I need to be developing a willing and ready heart... and that there may times He will enable me to step up to do something nobody would want to do.

For the first time (-__-), I paid attention to God's instructions to Isaiah. God told Isaiah to speak words to the Israelites that would harden their hearts towards Him. God basically sends Isaiah to turn people away from Him and thus destroy them for eternity.

When I think about things God calls us to do, I think of loving Him, loving others, spreading the Good News, and spreading His name. I think of His call for each of us to be salt and light wherever we are. And I think about the hope we have in predestination: that because of God's sovereign will to save, there will be harvest whether we live to see it or not.

Yet with Isaiah here, God sent him to basically do anti-missions! God sent him to turn people away from Him and guaranteed that "cities [will] lie waste without inhabitant, and houses without people, and the land [will become] a desolate waste..."

-___- I had never realized the depth of Isaiah's faith. I saw his willingness and readiness, but not how his faith was grounded in God's character rather than His actions.

Of course it's awesome when I can give thanks and praise for what God can do, but deeper intimacy with Him should lead me to worship Him simply for who He is. I guess it is logical, then, for Him to care more about who we are (our hearts), than what we do...

Settling Down

I got to MA this morning :) Thank you for your prayers... my Amtrak rides were ridiculously smooth. Some super nice + cool people helped me lug my 60000 luggage to the station AND redistribute some of my stuff into an extra box because some were overweight! Erica even rode the train up with me to Baltimore! Our first train from Cville --> DC was delayed for 3 hours, but several nice friends kept us company and brought us FOOD >_< After Erica got off the train in Baltimore, my momma began calling me every several hours to make sure I'm not to lonely.

I'm ridiculously spoiled by my family + the people around me... I just hope I'll be able to bless others in similar ways! These experiences with super nice people really makes me think of 1 Jn 4:12.


Anyway... today, I was able to tour B-town a bit...




















Is it weird that the first place I visited was the Boston Public Library?

























Stairway of Library

























Study Area!

























Courtyard of the Library




















A nice day to chill outside!




















Library Coffee Shop

























This random picture of a skyscraper is dedicated to Ms. Jaeeun Cho :)


I walked around the Copley area for a bit and bought some new underwear (so that I won't have to do laundry as frequently)!



When I got back to my cousin's place, I grew kinda excited about school!























Pretty textbooks for summer session!



















Then I found my way to a nearby Asian grocery store and stocked up on some essentials (noodles, kimchee, etc.)

NOTE to prospective visitors: they have a small food court selling bubble tea, "Yo! Berry," Korean Cruisine, and more!



















Despite being excited about school and getting to know Boston, I'm intensely home (C'ville) sick. Good thing Jae is nearby... JJ/her bro! :D


I do look forward to tomorrow's church hopping adventure... I wonder where God will call me! Highrock? CityLife? CCFC?? I'm going to try to visit all three tomorrow...


One tremendous blessing (in disguise), I suppose, is that loneliness really forces me to cling to God... Ps 63:1, dude, seriously!

A New Degree of Intimacy

I thought it was pretty hilarious how I'm on a first-name basis with the mechanics at Finley's Car Services.

Today I called in about a new car problem, and the receptionist recognized my voice.

The Motherland

Sortin' through some old photos, I found these...







My old cell phone (left)













Fashion












Busy markets












Intersection outside my parents' apartment











And of course, FOOD.







shrimp rolls












FISH












MORE FISH











almond jelly dessert











egg rolls










crispy, delicious egg rolls











eggs with tofu and tomatoes

In Need

I was driving around Emmet St. this morning and thinking to myself how much I'll miss this place. I couldn't believe I'm moving to Boston next Friday. I wondered, When will I ever feel ready?

These past couple of weeks, I've been wondering how I'm going to survive grad school. Where is the self-discipline? Where is my spiritual maturity?

If there's anything I learned this past year, it is that I need to grow.

I drove to Hotcakes for a date with God. A group of Korean-speaking young adults trickled in and gathered 'round the table diagonal from my corner. They chatted comfortably with one another. My thoughts trickled from Aaron, Levites, and ephods to my parents as young immigrants back in the early 80's. They probably gathered similarly with other Chinese-speaking grad students. They probably also gained a sense of belonging from mingling others who didn't think they belonged.

For some reason, Boston seems more like a foreign land to me than C'ville did when I was moving from Taiwan. Will I find a new group of friends? Which church does God want me to join? I wondered how my time in Boston will fit in with God's plan for my life. And then I remembered why I'm leaving.

I remembered how He's been revealing and developing my deepest desires as well as a dream that fuels all other dreams. One fraction of that dream is this: that we (the church) would go out quickly into the streets and alleys... bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind, and the lame... so that [His] house might be full. And I hope and pray that the speckle of my life will be a part of His galactic restoration of Creation.

If there's anything I learned this past year, it is that I need help.

I need help with the simplest things like staying focused when reading Numbers, keeping my room organized, and refraining from eating when I'm not hungry. And I need help in fixing my eyes on Someone far greater than myself. I need to remember what He said right before and immediately after giving us the Great Commission: All power in heaven and on earth has been given to Me... And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

If there's anything I learned this past year, it is that I need God.

In countless ways, I need Him. In ways I have yet to experience, I will need Him. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

I know I am in need,
therefore I know
I'm ready.

Time Flies!

5th Grade Class Picture, 1997

High School Graduation, 2004

Erica's BA/MT Graduation, 2009
Sigh, yes, it's unfortunate I never made it through college...
Haha, jk!! Gotcha!!! =P

communication

Over the phone...

Daniel: I'm having lunch with my family. Oh, and my mom says hi.
Me: Yo, Wha-ssuuuup!!... I mean--just tell her I say hi! HI!
Daniel: Mom, Cecilia says "Yo, whasssuuuup"... [pause]... it means how are you doing... [silence]... um, Cecilia, my mom wants to talk to you.



At YW's Bday Bash...

[Deb Kidd, on a gluten-free diet, reads the ingredients of Twizzlers]

Deb: There's WHEAT in TWIZZLERS?!?! That's ridiculous!
Me: Oh really?? Woww.... what the....
Deb: Seriously, this is torturous! Ridunculous!
Me [turning to Stephanie]: Ohhh... WHEAT. I thought she said there's WEED in Twizzlers...
Steph: Hm... that would be cause for an outcry.

self-control

from The Practice of Godliness, by Jerry Bridges:

"People seldom fall suddenly into gluttony or immorality. These actions are savored in the mind long before they are enjoyed in reality. The thought life, then, is our first line of defense in the battle of self-control." (140)

"The more we say no to sinful desires, the more we will be able to say no." (145)

Resolved

"But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine, and he asked the chief official for permission not to defile himself this way."

- Daniel 1:8

In the big things (Ps 15:4) and little things (Luk 16:10),
in any and every circumstance,
whether eating or drinking or whatever I do
that's what I need to be... Resolved.


I need to be resolved to
seek deeper intimacy with God
be joyful always
and persevere.



"...And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. "

- Eph 3:17-19

:-)

Sadness

I can't believe the last official Sunday Chapel of the semester just ended.

As I was leaving Gilmer, I glanced around the auditorium and felt my like-me love-me tendencies surface as I burned with a desire to pull aside every single person, familiar and unfamiliar alike, for some deep and meaningful conversation -__- But then my perfect-me failure layer kicked in; I knew that if I tried to do that, I wouldn't be able to even hold one decent conversation while I'm slumped in this state of melancholy reluctance to face reality.

Plus, I was feeling ultra-insecure the entire morning mainly because my dress pants were uncomfortably too short.

Of course, I changed into jeans immediately after coming home. In the car, I had envisioned that my mood would thenceforth skyrocket to normality, but all that's happened is that the post-chapel angst and sadness collected into waves that are washing me way too close to the dreadful shore of reality-- that I'm leaving this blessed, loving family for good... this blessed and loving bunch that God used to bring me tremendously closer to Him T_T

Tonight, my MiX Home Group girls are coming over for a last supper >_<... I look forward to all the chopping, sauteeing, boiling, and baking that will hopefully distract me from feeling sad knowing that I probably won't see most of them for a really long time... T______T Sigh. I hope that all the mindless motions of cooking, rather than serving as mere distractions, will draw my heart to pray for each of them as they come to mind <3

Anyway... I wanted to type up something wonderfully inspiring from early this morning, but I'm way too emo for now -__- Later, perhaps, later.

Patience

"Patience is not the same as indifference; patience conveys the idea of someone who is tremendously strong and able to withstand all assaults.

"Having the vision of God is the source of patience because it gives us God’s true and proper inspiration.

"...A person who has the vision of God is not devoted to a cause or to any particular issue— he is devoted to God Himself."

- Oswald Chambers

gifts and loves

About a year ago, I made a choice-- to stay and staff. I realize now it was more than a choice... it was a gift. Probably the best gift ever... other than eternity with God :)

On a different note, I think I'm in love with "Glory of It All" by David Crowder. I admit that "Streets of Gold" may just be infatuation, but "Glory of It All" has such great lyrics too... and it's been like a month since I've been listening to it 15 times a day. Okay, maybe more like 15 times a week (at least). Two weeks ago, I even forced my home group to sing it during praise O_O Prob wasn't the easiest song to sing along to. Especially for me because I'm always compelled to imitate DC's accent + voice, for some reason.

Speaking of love v. infatuation, it still blows my mind how some people can't wait to get married right out of college. They must be way more mature than me!! :) Hm... 2.5 years of dating... prob a couple more to come... and then... maybe I'll suddenly be called to celibacy! Who knows! =P It is either that or eventually being joined with another big fat sinner and hopefully a little family of sinners for the rest of my life :)

To top it all off, here's a super awesome version of another item (song) of infatuation.

MiX = Mentees in Christ

Again he asked, "What shall I compare the kingdom of God to? It is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into a large amount of flour until it worked all through the dough."

<Luke 13:20-22>

(I wish I had taken more photos... of everyone...)

A typical gathering

Lotsa love with no awkwardness at all...


We have our own Worship + Multimedia Ministries.


We're similar in some ways...


...like being extraordinarily cute!


Yet we display a wide variety of talent...

...like song-writing + serenading...

"...Teresa I love you, Teresa I love, Teresa I love you so... SAKAI!"

...and enjoying both hot dogs and ho doks!

(so hard to get everyone >_<... still missing several here...)


=)





And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

<Phil 1:6>

IG Discussion on Dating

So Filled with Honesty...



Hampton (Leader): So, girls, what do you think about dating? How do you perceive boys?
Lanasia (grade 5): I see them as associates.


Stirling (L): My mom always told me to go for the guys who aren't as cute-- they're usually the nicer ones. And they tend to stick around for longer because other girls won't wanna steal them either!
Kashirra (g 4): You tellin' me to go for the SLOPPY SECONDS?!


Hampton (L): Now, what are some fun and safe activities you can do with a boyfriend? For example, I'd enjoy playing tennis.
Kashirra (g 4): [mumbles something]
Hampton: Excuse me, bubble bath?!?!
Kashirra: I said double date!!!
Hampton: Okay. How about you, Carina? Just think about what do you like to do when you get home from school.
Carina (g 5): ... watch TV?
Claire (L): Yea! You can watch TV with a boyfriend.
Lanasia (g 5): I'd wanna watch a scary movie with my boyfriend so I can hug up on him!


Hampton: Girls, what do you think of this piece of advice... "Look for friendship, not love."
Lanaja (g 6): I want LOVE.


Kashirra: Ya know... Sometimes when you hang with girls all the time you just get sick of them, and you just wanna hang with some DUDES.
Claire: Yea, that makes sense. Guys tend to be simpler sometimes and care less about what they wear or about their hairstyles.
Kashirra: [stands up emphatically] YEA. Sometimes I just wanna GET DIRTY and dive into some MUD!


Hampton: Here's a sad fact I learned... more people in the world recognize the symbol of the golden arches than the cross. Do you girls what the golden arches are?
Kashirra: DELICIOUSSS!


[sunlight from the windows cause girls to squint]
[Claire gets up to close the blinds]
Kashirra: THANKYA JESUS!
Claire: Um. I'm not Jesus.

IG Sleepover

Highlights...










5th and 6th grade cuteness

















Chocolate Fountain Fondue
















Music














Free massages + hair stylin'












Me: Where did you learn to braid like this?
Makayla: Dang, girl! You don't know how to corn row?!












more pictures


This was all after a morning 5K + a full afternoon of frisbee under the sun.



When night rolled around...

11:30 pm-- "Lights out." We let the girls talk quietly.
12 am-- Girls wide awake. Girls start running around and giggling. My headache begins.
12:30 am-- Girls still very much awake. Claire reminds them to chat quietly.
1:00 am-- Girls sneak to bathroom in attempt to call up some boys......................
1:05 am-- Claire confiscates the girls' phones. My headache worsens.
1:30 am-- Girls still very much awake, running around and giggling. My ability to maintain sanity? Questionable.
2:15 am-- I get up and separate the most giggly girls.
2:16 am-- Girls protest.
2:30 am-- Girls finally comply.
2:31 am-- Joneisha complains about itchy eye.
2:32 am-- Lanasia complains about the heat in the room.
3:00 am-- Girls start to fall asleep.
3:01 am-- My headache continues.
3:02 am-- I watch the girls sleep.
3:03 am-- It is quiet.
3:04 am-- I realize that I love them.

In joy and pain, in sun and rain

You're the the same, You never let go

Everything is meaningless?

"Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind."

Eyes

"I love the Bible the way I love my eyes—not because my eyes are lovely, but because without them I can't see what's lovely..."

- John Piper

need to see the need

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."

- Phil 4:19

I hope that I can grasp more confidently that what I think I need isn't necessarily what I really need

and that my eyes and heart will be opened to see and depend on all that's already been supplied

"He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?"

- Rom 8:32

13 Ways to Bless Missionaries Without Paying for Postage

(from http://www.desiringgod.org)

December 19, 2007 | By: Tia

Were you unable to send a Christmas present or care package to some missionaries you love this season? It’s okay. You can still bless a missionary this Christmas.

[Update: It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway—even though Christmas is past, these ideas can still encourage our friends overseas. Let's keep serving them all year long!]

Here are 13 post-office-free ideas to get you started, most of which you could do right now from your desk:

• Pray specific Scripture for them and their ministry, and then email it to them.
• Call or email their parents—Christmas might be just as lonely for the ones at home as the ones away.
• Purchase phone minutes for an international calling card through an online service like OneSuite and email them the account number.
• Donate frequent flier miles to them.
• Purchase an iTunes gift card for them. Have it sent to you and email them the account number.
• Commit to pray for them on a specific day of the week for a year.
• Write a song or poem or story for them. Email them the text and a recording of you reading or singing it.
• Get friends and family together to create a holiday video greeting for them using Google Video or YouTube. Include lots of people you know they miss.
• Make a year-end gift through their missions board or agency.
• Western Union—the fastest way to send money.
• Call their local florist (not everyone is in the jungle these days) and have flowers delivered, or their local Pizza Hut and have pizza delivered—with corn and shrimp as toppings!
• Donate to a charity that means a lot to them.
• Make a monthly commitment to support them financially.

If you have your own ideas, respond to this post and let us know what they are. Maybe next year we can offer 50 suggestions, or 100.

(Remember to use discernment in written or video communication if your missionaries work in security-sensitive locations.)

I need help with this... >_<

"I know of no other single practice in the Christian life more rewarding, practically speaking, than memorizing Scripture... No other single discipline is more useful or rewarding than this. No other single exercise pays greater spiritual dividends! Your prayer life will be strengthened. Your witnessing will be sharper and much more effective. Your counseling will be in demand. Your attitude and outlook will begin to change. Your mind will become alert and observant. Your confidence and assurance will be enhanced. Your faith will be solidified."

- Chuck Swindoll