In Need

I was driving around Emmet St. this morning and thinking to myself how much I'll miss this place. I couldn't believe I'm moving to Boston next Friday. I wondered, When will I ever feel ready?

These past couple of weeks, I've been wondering how I'm going to survive grad school. Where is the self-discipline? Where is my spiritual maturity?

If there's anything I learned this past year, it is that I need to grow.

I drove to Hotcakes for a date with God. A group of Korean-speaking young adults trickled in and gathered 'round the table diagonal from my corner. They chatted comfortably with one another. My thoughts trickled from Aaron, Levites, and ephods to my parents as young immigrants back in the early 80's. They probably gathered similarly with other Chinese-speaking grad students. They probably also gained a sense of belonging from mingling others who didn't think they belonged.

For some reason, Boston seems more like a foreign land to me than C'ville did when I was moving from Taiwan. Will I find a new group of friends? Which church does God want me to join? I wondered how my time in Boston will fit in with God's plan for my life. And then I remembered why I'm leaving.

I remembered how He's been revealing and developing my deepest desires as well as a dream that fuels all other dreams. One fraction of that dream is this: that we (the church) would go out quickly into the streets and alleys... bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind, and the lame... so that [His] house might be full. And I hope and pray that the speckle of my life will be a part of His galactic restoration of Creation.

If there's anything I learned this past year, it is that I need help.

I need help with the simplest things like staying focused when reading Numbers, keeping my room organized, and refraining from eating when I'm not hungry. And I need help in fixing my eyes on Someone far greater than myself. I need to remember what He said right before and immediately after giving us the Great Commission: All power in heaven and on earth has been given to Me... And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

If there's anything I learned this past year, it is that I need God.

In countless ways, I need Him. In ways I have yet to experience, I will need Him. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

I know I am in need,
therefore I know
I'm ready.