I can't believe the last official Sunday Chapel of the semester just ended.
As I was leaving Gilmer, I glanced around the auditorium and felt my like-me love-me tendencies surface as I burned with a desire to pull aside every single person, familiar and unfamiliar alike, for some deep and meaningful conversation -__- But then my perfect-me failure layer kicked in; I knew that if I tried to do that, I wouldn't be able to even hold one decent conversation while I'm slumped in this state of melancholy reluctance to face reality.
Plus, I was feeling ultra-insecure the entire morning mainly because my dress pants were uncomfortably too short.
Of course, I changed into jeans immediately after coming home. In the car, I had envisioned that my mood would thenceforth skyrocket to normality, but all that's happened is that the post-chapel angst and sadness collected into waves that are washing me way too close to the dreadful shore of reality-- that I'm leaving this blessed, loving family for good... this blessed and loving bunch that God used to bring me tremendously closer to Him T_T
Tonight, my MiX Home Group girls are coming over for a last supper >_<... I look forward to all the chopping, sauteeing, boiling, and baking that will hopefully distract me from feeling sad knowing that I probably won't see most of them for a really long time... T______T Sigh. I hope that all the mindless motions of cooking, rather than serving as mere distractions, will draw my heart to pray for each of them as they come to mind <3
Anyway... I wanted to type up something wonderfully inspiring from early this morning, but I'm way too emo for now -__- Later, perhaps, later.
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As much as I'll miss you Cecil, just remember that you're never truly leaving us for good. You're only making your family bigger. Of course, dynamics will change... they always do, but know that the binding and uniting Spirit of God will never allow our bonds of being sisters/brothers (for the men) to break. I guess, I've never been good with goodbyes though. But know Cecil we're only just a prayer away =)! -Shine-
ReplyDeleteAWWWW ceciliaaaaa. no more T_Ts~ like shine said, you're just makin your fam bigger :D :D i was kind of reminded of what Sherry said at Davina.. how she moved from her homechurch to another so she wouldn't get TOO comfortable.. that she had more to experience in other places :)
ReplyDeleteok now that i think about it in my 4am delirium, i'm not sure if it was sherry who said that, but yeah.
i'll miss you!! please come visit :D