Decompress

I was really looking forward to going to this annual retreat with my church this weekend, but alas, I got sick. Yes, I know... weaksauce.

Actually, during the middle of last week, I started having second thoughts about going to retreat because random stuff kept coming up as schoolwork kept accumulating. A friend emailed me,

"... you should go to retreat. Not that Jesus would love you any less if you didn't. It'll be a good chance to decompress and spend some quality time with God, other folks and undergrads (if you want) :P"

Well, of course I wanted to decompress (who likes being compressed anyway?) and spend quality time with God... and I love getting to know other folks, especially undergrads! So I decided to keep pushing myself to study like crazy and ingest large quantities of CVS Airborne. On Fri morning, I carried my toiletries, clothing, and sleeping bag to class so that I could leave directly after school. When my classmates asked about the luggage, I excitedly shared with them that I was going on a retreat.

Sadly, as the 6 hr lecture on wound care progressed, I grew dizzy, nauseous, and rather snotty. And so I came home and slept for 19 hours.

I used to hate getting sick so much. I hated how it kept me from doing everything I had planned. I hated being behind in school. I hated having to spend money on Dayquil/Tylenol/Ibuprofen, and I hated how it kept me isolated from people.

But being sick really is the best excuse to do absolutely nothing and just rest. I knew in my head that I don't need to go to a retreat to decompress, spend time with God, and build community... and I guess God forced me to experience it first hand. This weekend, I basically just drank soup + OJ, talked to God, listened to worship music, and watched tons of How I Met Your Mother. And I did my laundry. And I got to chat with 2 good friends over the phone.

I constantly struggle with constructing endless lists of ways I fail in not studying enough, not keeping in touch with ppl well enough, not loving enough, judging ppl too much, stressing out too much, ... But when the body breaks down, I am faced with the choice of either (1) moping over all that I can't do on top of all the ways in which I fail or (2) realizing/remembering what's important-- You, and just You. God, it's not only that You can do all that I can't do and be all that I fail to be, but that my relationship with You is what gives me all that I am worth.

I know, I still need to re-seal my window, mail in those checks, clean the apt, studystudy, shower, KIT w/ peeps, etc etc... but my weakness really forces me to seek You for strength even in the littlest things. And in doing these littlest things, I want to draw nearer to You...

Thanks for letting me decompress all weekend...